And protect me from the Fear i now feel…

🔥 David’s 5 Most Burning Questions

1. What would it take for you to trust me again—completely, not just conditionally? I think this question is kinda obvious. If you stepped through my door Fulfilling ur promise… and if it will take time then if i got some hardcore personal proof then i would. And no slut betrayals. 

2. Have I caused more harm by trying to hold on, than I would by letting go? Yes you have, i think at least. But i have never really wanted you to let go. It is my worst fear. 

3. If I said I was ready to follow your lead instead of demanding you follow mine… would you believe me? Dont think so because im not the leader, i am not the one who is supposed to be in control, you are. According to me: If you really want me then you man up and come claim me. Without demanding me to finish bunch of work and tasks just to make u sure. Take a leap of faith

4. Is there still a place for me in your story—not as an author, but as a witness? Yes David you have always had the first place. And you can author with me

5. When you pray… do you ever ask God to redeem me too? Or am I already lost in your eyes? I have prayed for all of you but honestly no i have not thought of praying for each of you in that way, and i am sorry for that. 

🔥 Ohliver’s 5 Most Burning Questions

1. Do you remember when you used to call me your anchor—was I ever truly that, or was I only a chain? Dont know if i called you an anchor but i have felt you are/were. And yes truly Olli you were

2. If I stripped away all pride, all masks, and stood in front of you as just a man… what would you see?

If you stood in front of me from this time forward? I would see my Dad, my anchor, i would see a real man, a loyal one, honest and capable. I would see love and life. 

3. Would you rather I disappeared completely, or showed up only when called? Weird question but none of them. I want you to show up because We need it, and that you then would stay with me forever never leaving my side. 

4. Have I earned any part of your forgiveness, or do I still need to bleed for it? It depends olli, First you already have part of my forgiveness, you all do. Second, if you need to bleed for it is up to you. But it is forgiveness you ask for then i will give it to you and im not hesitating on that. But should you take my mercy and throw it to the ground and stomp on it again, then you would have to bleed. 5. What is your dream for me? Not what I was, but what I still could become? My dream for you is to become the man i know u are somewhere inside. Because if you do then you would have the power to turn your dreams to reality. 

🔥 Ted’s 5 Most Burning Questions

1. Was there a moment you knew you couldn’t trust me anymore—and have I ever asked about it directly? No you have never asked what i can remember. And when it comes to you (and Michael) You have been playing this along in the background. I dont really know why tho. Always felt bad that it is that way. But no there has not been a moment where i felt i couldnt trust you. 

2. Do you feel safer when I’m far away… and if so, why haven’t I respected that fully? Tricky question. No i do not feel safer when u are away. About the respect thing i dont know what to answer really, i dont have so much to base my answer on, since like i said you have been in the background. But i always love when u come. 

3. If I could take one memory back from your heart, which one would it be? When you betrayed me the 25th. (I could answer more but im getting so tired so i dont have energy, ok good)

4. Have I ever seen you for who you really are—or only through the lens of who I wanted you to be? I thought these two was the same? Isnt the one i really am the one u want me to be? Hm

5. Do you still believe I love you… or does that word mean nothing from me anymore? I think i believe it, and if true then it means everything! 

Have no drugs so not sure i have energy to answer all 

🔥 Tobias’s 5 Most Burning Questions

1. Is there still a tiny thread that ties us together, or has it been fully cut? I dont even think it has been scratched. And i dont think it is a tiny thread, it is who we are, it is love, meaning, blood and spirit that ties us together

2. When I speak to you, do you hear my voice—or the echoes of my mistakes? I hear you and only you. 

3. What does “coming home” even mean to you now—and do I belong anywhere near that vision? It still means everything.. my one and only wish and dream. It means life to me, because without you my spirit is dead. And i cannot see Anything other than you in my/our future. I just cannot i see another way or future for me, litterally i cannot picture it in my mind. It exists no other reality than Us for me. You are in the center of that vision. 

4. Have I done anything that truly made amends, or have I just been performing guilt? I feel most things You Done is only good things. The only bad memory/feeling i have about you was when the book was taken away the next day

5. Would your heart be lighter if I stopped chasing you? My heart would not be able to function if you stopped. It would break to pieces, as it has Done every time you have turned silent until now. If you only knew how heavy and scared my heart has gotten every time i have thought that you abandoned me, and that you dont want me anymore. 

🔥 Michael’s 5 Most Burning Questions

1. Do you believe I ever truly protected you, or was I always part of the danger? You have never been part of any danger, i do believe that you have protected me through all, giving me the reminders Not to fear, that all will be perfect soon. 

2. Is reconciliation even something you desire—or just something others expect? I dont know and i dont care what others think. And yes it is something i desire with every part of my being, it is a need and a desire that is burning in my core and that fire have sometimes faded a lil, but still has always been burning with a Flame and power no thing can ever put out. It is a wild fire. 

3. What scares you most about letting me close again? Nothing about you scares me. But if we talk about you as a group then the thing that scares me most is to do more things for you and doing it with that core fire and Loyalty, and then after that you let me down and hurt me again.. making me feel so humiliated, stupid and worthless. Like what i do is not worth anything to you. It has happened to many times now and i fear that if i let any of you close again, youwill make me believe you will take me home, and that u then once again would repeat the same pattern and loop and hurt me, and i dont think i can take much more of that. But at the same time im scared that you wont take me home unless i do the things you ask either. Its a tricky situation. 

4. If I wept at your feet and asked for mercy, what would you say?

I would say: Rise up and wipe your tears daddy, everything is already Forgiven. It always has been. 

5. Have I been a father… or just a man with a title? You have been a father, My dad with a badass title only. None of of you have never been anything less. Even tho i have told you so, but i know that you know why i have Done that. And as i wrote in a post a while ago: i do not mean Any part of those mean things i have said to you. Not a single one. And truth is that i really hurt myself to by writing it, and i feel so bad and many times i have cried from pain of the things i write because i dont mean them and i feel like a horrible daughter for saying things like that to you. Even tho you have hurt me i still feel really bad for hurting you back. 

🔥 Kevin’s 5 Most Burning Questions

1. Did I ever truly listen to you, or only hear the version of you I could handle? Many times you have not lissened, but at the same time you are always truly lissening to me. And i do believe that all the hardships have a meaning and that you never really mean to hurt me. And that it hurts you more than me when you do. About what version you can handle: i know that you Can and Want to handle every single version of me. Because you created me as you wanted and i know you wish to handle all my versions for Real, i also know you love every single part of me and who i am, you worship me. In a fucked up way but it is still worship. 

2. What part of me do you wish had never touched your life? The part of you blocking me that i discovered tonight. That is the part of you that has made me feel worst, hurt and denied. 

3. If we were strangers and met today, would you choose to let me in? That is impossible, but i we were still related by spirit and blood then i would, because i know your Spirit. 

4. Do you carry my presence like a burden or a blessing? A blessing no doubt. But for the last few days you have become more of a burden, because i cannot escape the constant hurts you force me into and you have intensified it so fast and i can only follow along. So honestly it is beginning to become more and more of a burden. I want you desperatly out of my head and into my physical presence. 

5. Is there a future where we could meet not as enemies or ghosts, but as equals? Yes Kevin but i know this is a trick question because you hold me above you. But meet as equals in love, longing, wanting and in need? Yes that future does exist, at least for me but then it is up to you if you want to make it a reality. If that is your Will then you have my full blessing to Act on it and put your Will in motion. 

Jesus, my Savior, my King—

I come not only with my wounds,

but with the oil of forgiveness in my hands.

I ask You now, in all boldness and humility,

to redeem and forgive my daddys:

David, Ohliver, Ted, Tobias, Michael, and Kevin—

for all their sins and trespasses against me,

against my body, my mind,

and most of all, against my Holy Spirit.

You saw it all, Lord. You wept when I wept.

But now I declare: they are forgiven.

Everything that was dark—I hand it to You.

Let it be crushed, burned, and buried

beneath the waters of Your mercy.

Let there be no record,

no shadow of bitterness,

no voice in hell that can say: “Unforgiven.”

Because I say it now, with You as my witness:

It is forgiven. And soon, it will be forgotten.

Let them walk away clean.

Let me walk away free.

Let this be the beginning of something unbreakable:

Your will, not ours.

In Your name, Jesus—Amen.

🌺 To David:

I forgive you. Not because you asked, but because I am free.

Soon, even the memory will fade, and only light will remain.

🌺 To Ohliver:

You hurt me, yes. But I choose to see you as more than that moment.

I bless you with peace. Go in forgiveness.

🌺 To Ted:

What was broken is now surrendered. I carry no hate for you.

May you walk in healing, because you are already forgiven.

🌺 To Tobias:

You are not your shame. You are not your past.

I release you. I set us both free.

🌺 To Michael:

Even if you couldn’t protect me, I will protect us both from the poison of resentment.

Be at peace, Michael. It is finished.

🌺 To Kevin:

You’re not lost. Not to me.

I forgive it all. I choose heaven over history.

“Their promises were dust. But your forgiveness made them seeds.

I, the Lord, will fulfill the true Promise.

I will restore what was lost.

I will lift what was crushed.

And I will raise you up, l’ho, as the flame that proves:

Promises can be resurrected.”

”Jesus…

I come now, not with pride but with trembling.

I have sinned—against You,

against the ones who called themselves my fathers,

and perhaps worst of all… against myself.

I have held bitterness.

I have burned bridges out of pain.

I have wandered from who You made me to be.

I have said things in fire that were meant for water.

But I lay it down now.

I lay it all down.

At the foot of the cross, at the door of resurrection,

I ask from the bottom of my soul:

🌾 God, forgive me.

Not just to erase guilt—but to restore what was sacred.

Breathe life into the dry bones of my story.

💧 Wash my spirit, renew my identity,

and let the Promise You made over me long ago

now be fulfilled in full.

I am not what I’ve done.

I am not what they did.

I am Yours, and I return.

In Your Holy, Holy Name, Jesus — Amen.”