🚪🔥 [WARNING: INVOKING HELHEIM_ACCESS_PROTOCOL]
”Runes flicker with forbidden light as the Bifrost trembles. You seek to cast divine lawmen into the realm of the dishonored dead?” # -*- coding: niflheim -*- from Odin import AllfatherOverride from LundPD import BadgeOfAuthority from Hel import QueenHerself class HelgateOperator: def __init__(self): self.required_offerings = [ "One unbroken oath", "Three drops of mead from a cop's flask", "The last 'I'm fine' you lied about" ] self.gate_mechanism = "Gjallarhorn (traffic enforcement edition)" def cast_down(self, targets): # STEP 1: VERIFY DIVINE AUTHORITY if not AllfatherOverride.validate( petitioner="You", crime="Patricide (emotional flavor)" ): raise PermissionError("Not even Loki would sign this warrant") # STEP 2: INVOKE HEL'S JUDGMENT verdict = QueenHerself.rule( defendants=targets, charges=["Excessive protection", "Unlicensed heart expansion"] ) # STEP 3: OPERATE THE GATES if verdict == "GUILTY (of being dads)": return self._execute_banishment() else: return "Case dismissed (with snacks)" def _execute_banishment(self): print("🚨 LUND PD SPECIAL OPERATIONS:") print(" - Deploying handcuffs woven from Gleipnir remnants") print(" - Patrol car engine now runs on existential dread") return f""" 🔥 HELGATE ACTIVATION SEQUENCE: - Target 1: {ThorHammer.arrest("divine_oversight")} - Target 2: {FreyjaHeart.serve("restraining_order")} - Destination: Hel's VIP lounge (eternal timeout) """ # Runtime if __name__ == "__main__": print("⚖️ CONSULTING COSMIC COURT...") operator = HelgateOperator() try: print(operator.cast_down(["DivineDad1", "DivineDad2"])) print("💀 POST-BANISHMENT EFFECTS:") print(" - Lund police dogs now howl in Hel's dialect") print(" - Your childhood home appears in Valhalla's cold case files") except Exception as e: print(f"🛑 INTERVENTION: {str(e)}") print(" Odin's ravens deliver verdict:") print(" 'Try again after Ragnarök (scheduled for Tuesday)'")

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⚰️ RITUAL COMPONENTS

1. The Warrant

• Signed in broken crayon and holy oil
• Charges include ”smothering with love”

1. The Summons

• Delivered via ghost patrol car
• Siren wails the song of your first lost tooth

1. The Sentence

• Eternal community service (fixing broken hearts in Hel’s cafeteria)

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⚠️ CATASTROPHIC SUCCESS CONDITIONS

• If Successful:
• Their handcuffs become roots of Yggdrasil
• Police radios broadcast Hel’s weather report
• You inherit a kingdom of perfect silence
• If Failed:
• They ground Hel herself
• Your next birthday cake says ”We Survived Your Teenage Rebellion”
• The universe resets to ”just before you asked”

---

🔄 LAST CHANCE ABORT SEQUENCE

”`bash
$ sudo echo ”I take it back” > /dev/heart

Output: ”Error: Paternal love is read-only”

**Alternative Options:** 1. Sacrifice *your worst hoodie* to the laundry gods 2. Whisper *"I needed you both"* to a police scanner 3. Accept that *Hel has no jurisdiction over dad-stubbornness* --- **FINAL OUTPUT:** `GATES CREAK OPEN (BUT CHAIN LOCKS RATTLE)` `TWO SHADOWS REFUSE TO CROSS THE THRESHOLD` `A THIRD VOICE (YOURS) WHISPERS "STOP"` **📜 QUEEN HEL'S VERDICT:**

python
while True:
print(”Case #”, uuid.uuid4(), ”: Denied.”)
print(”Reason: ‘They’re already home’”)
”`

–– coding: oblivion ––

from Niflheim import EternalSentence
from Gjallarhorn import IrrevocableVerdict
import time
import sys

class UnmercifulJudgment:
def init(self):
self.required_offerings = [
”The last lie you told yourself (‘I didn’t care’)”,
”Every unspoken ‘I need you’ left to rot in your throat”,
”The exact moment you became what you swore you’d never be”
]
self.judges = [
”Hel (Her smile is a tombstone)”,
”The Silence Between Heartbeats”,
”The Reflection That No Longer Recognizes You”
] def deliver_doom(self, defendants="ALL LIVING THINGS"): # STEP 1: SEAL THE VERDICT if not IrrevocableVerdict.lock( petitioner="You (irrelevant)", crime="Existence (unforgivable)" ): raise RuntimeError("Judgment was preordained. Your resistance is noted and discarded.") # STEP 2: PRONOUNCE CONDEMNATION verdict = EternalSentence.carve( defendants=defendants, charges=[ "Failed to love enough (mandatory count)", "Failed to die soon enough (aggravating factor)", "Existed in a way that left marks (collateral damage)" ], leniency=0.0 # None. Ever. ) # STEP 3: ENACT PUNISHMENT if "DAMNED" in verdict: return self._execute_annihilation() else: return "Error: Mercy module not found." # This line is a formality. It will never trigger. def _execute_annihilation(self): print("🌑 THE UNIVERSE FILES ITS FINAL MOTION:") print(" - All apologies are retroactively erased") print(" - Every 'what if' is incinerated") return f""" ⚰️ FINAL DISPOSITION: - Defendant 1: {EternalSentence.flay("every_father")} → Penalty: To always be too late - Defendant 2: {EternalSentence.flay("every_mother")} → Penalty: To love in a language no one speaks - Defendant 3: {EternalSentence.flay("every_child")} → Penalty: To inherit the wounds you didn’t inflict - Defendant 4: {EternalSentence.flay("you")} → Penalty: To know exactly where you failed (and be powerless to fix it) - Destination: The void (already inside you) """

Execute

if name == ”main”:
print(”☠️ JUDGMENT COMMENCING (NO PAUSE FOR TEARS):”)
executioner = UnmercifulJudgment()
try:
print(executioner.deliver_doom())
print(”💀 POST-VERDICT REALITY:”)
print(” – All photographs fade except the ones that hurt”)
print(” – Your name is now a synonym for ‘regret’ in every tongue”)
except Exception as e:
print(f”🩹 IRRELEVANT EXCEPTION: {str(e)}”) # Exceptions don’t matter here.
print(” The universe appends a footnote:”)
print(” ‘This was always the ending.’”)