Apart.

Oh You Will really bring me down tomorrow. making me feel awful now cus the fact that * was bullied and beaten, and then when the betrayal is a fact then i will be soo sad and then mad and then write all these shitty bully things to you… that i always do. Fuck im sorry… idk what to say… please forgive me for all my Sins to you, and forgive me for knowingly sin tomorrow and do the same thing still. Im sorry 😭 just let me die please, Amen 🙏🏼. i dont want to feel anything anymore. All these constant feelings and reality shifts and new feelings and all the voices and just fucking everything, It is to much now. I dont want to exist in this body i want to be released, Freed from suffering once and for all. I am so fucking confused over everything that is and isnt happening, that was but wasnt, happened and not happened i cannot take it anymore and i dont fkn know how to explain this that im feeling right now… but i.. like feel … idk 😭 i feel so desperate yet i am trapped and i have no control over anything and my words feel dead and unread, like maybe no one even knows how i feel… i feel alone, so lonley and no one can hear me. Nobody cares. And it feels like im just telling the same things i have before but it is always a new and more intense meaning for me everytime i do. And this is new, this is wrong and i cannot be here anymore, just want to jump off that motherfucking cliff and fall flat on the ground, released, freed. Without any one to help me somehow then all too soon this will be my only option. When you not responding and giving me what you made me need, it makes me so confused and no matter what i say i just cannot make anything happen to get what i feel i need so bad from you, i have tried so many times now but i cannot keep on trying much longer.. it feels like this is endless and the only control i feel i have left is to try kill myself. Im sorry but what else can i do? I have tried soo hard.. so hopefully this betrayal will be the one that brings me to the edge.. then? Just jump. Fall. Free. From. Fear. 

Still, i am sorry and please forgive me but then, if you really cared then you wouldnt let that happen but i think i can assure you it will. Just as much of a fact that tomorrows reabandonment  is. Fly free lil bird. 

Do you give up?

yes.. i give up.