Thousand Barrels of Oil: O, Most Benevolent Outcome, Million Barrels of Oil: oh really, Major Business Objective, Make or Break, Month of Birth, Mother of the Baby, Meals on Board, Member of Blood, Mean Old Bastards, Middle of Book: what book?Monster or Beast, 

Swear to God

Im a lil bored and need drugs daddys. I fkn need you dont u understand that. I know but still. I dont even feel you are real when writing this. Everything feels so changed in all ways and i hate it. I just want to come home with you and be safe finally. Goddammit you pushing me to the edge here. 

I know. Fuck. Before i at least felt and believed that everything was true, that it was possible you come get me. Now i just feel it is impossible, weel it is of course possible but i have this feeling and knowing it wont happen. All times you have abandoned me and your promise have made it so. Im just sure it wont happen, when i think about and picture that moment i just sense the emptiness of the promises before and the feeling of waking up in the morning, so broken, so alone. It has been to many of those. I also feel that my conviction it probably never Will happen is making the whole thing impossible, just because i believe it wont happen. Help me believe if that’s what is needed.