Constraint-Satisfaction Problem, C Street Prepared, Constrained Shortest Path, 

When You Do This Thing With d and fool me to think he is around and then all of a sudden on just this day i get to know hes not. And i dont even wanna write ”been in jail” because he havent, i think that is to far fetched..

And how would he even have time to… well no need for that…Rich Arse-Hole, Read Ahead

Idk im just sick of the feeling of impossibility that this loop has. Im sick of this whole shit i just want some goddamn happiness and ”calm” right now. I dont know for how long this will go on. And when the 25th has passed? What do i do then? I dont know to be honest… that was the promised last date so.. i guess i.. i would call it a day and sign out. Or maybe i should write gonna instead of would.. i know deep inside my bones that nothing will happen then. I had that hope before, for a good time i actually really felt the possibility of it happened. I have all this time which is more than a year now always been 112% sure, convinced this was happening. Since a few days im not… feels terrible. Everything feels reallyyy unstable in all ways right now. This big thing, this big promise is soon to be revealed as either Truth or lie, and right now everything about it goes in different directions in my head all the time. But im scared because especially when im home nothing is real anymore. And my bed starting to feel like a place off just suffering and endless disappointment.. the feeling when im going to sleep.. is not nice. But by now i have written it all, i have begged, pleaded, asked and demanded, but nobody will lissen so i will really try to stop that shit because im just humiliating myself… please i dont even know what to write i feel floating lost… and i dont feel you really understand me either, what im feeling and it frustrates me, but when kevin says you do understand it almost makes it worse, knowing you have chosen to ignore those feelings… and then this moviething today, it felt like a big day and kevin Said we were probably gonna Watch it today… why do u need to say stuff that makes it worse? Why not just fuck the day over and be Done with it without adding a bunch of promises to it. I honestly cannot see the point other than to hurt me.